I've not been writing, sorry. I've been spun around and spun out by these seemingly never-ending waves of absolute cruelty being blasted out of Washington since a certain sentient malignancy returned to power. I am trying to not let myself become completely overwhelmed by the Caligulesque* level of legislative and executive sadism on parade. I feel constantly exhausted, mentally overstimulated and physically numb. Angry. Unable to focus. Unable to enjoy the things which usually get my mind off of troubles. These aren't ordinary troubles, and these are no ordinary times. There couldn't be a more perfect storm of chaos to decimate the psyche of a justice-sensitive ADHD person. My executive function is nil most of the time. It's Kafkaesque to watch everything being ripped apart around you - jobs, lives, families - and still be expected to function for eight hours at a job, as though everything is business as usual.
I'm supposed to travel out of the country soon. I've had my ticket since December. I always want to be a model visitor when I'm abroad - don't speak loudly, be respectful and polite, remember I'm a guest, be aware of cultural "do-nots", don't stand out. Now, "not standing out" ends the moment I open my mouth and my accent outs me as a citizen of a nation which has betrayed all of its allies in the span of two months. A nation now openly attacking them while praising autocrats and dictatorial regimes and threatening military incursion on our closest friends and trading partners. I am a visitor from the Fourth Reich this time.
As much as I desperately need to get away from this madness if even for a week, my chances of being singled out as a target for someone's anti-American anger while I'm there are small but not zero. What I fear more right now is US Border Patrol and Customs Enforcement, since they appear to have been re-purposed to instill fear in immigrants, green card holders, and citizens alike. I have not been silent about my disgust for this Administration, and I won't. Silence in the face of injustice is siding with injustice. Given that my last two visits across international airport borders have involved "random additional screening" both ways, and with the FBI currently under the control of a member of the QAnon cult, these points of interaction are the ones which concern me the most.
* A French word that desperately needs to be adopted in English